She's JV to your varsity
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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