I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
