dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
