OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
