You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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