oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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