ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
