Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
