Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
