I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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