I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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