If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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