I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
