the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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