All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
