Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
