He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
