party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
