Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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