I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
