are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
