We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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