Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
