I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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