I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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