In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
