you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
