he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
