He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
40s are totally the cure
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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