your parents love me but you hate me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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