Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
