I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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