If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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