i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's the barista slut.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
