you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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