just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
