you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't put those talents on a resume
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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