I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
