just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
