I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
