My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
