I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Randomize
