sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
