made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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