After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
