why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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