yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
