i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
