textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
