I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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