i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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