why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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