I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
