shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
